Spreading kindness, one parentfriend at a time.
Each day you give your energy away and use the remnants to take care of yourself last. Yet, despite all that you give, you still feel like most days you're failing. Everything has compounded and just when you feel like you've met your breaking point, you find a way to manage. You're caught between knowing what happens if you keep going like this and the fear of what happens if you don’t. I see you.
Nothing, let me repeat for effect, NOTHING, prepares you for how hard and scary it is to be needed all the time. The pressure that accompanies it is often anticipated, and we're initially very confident. However, once it's here, along comes swift judgment and shame when even remotely acknowledging how difficult it is. Many of us don't dare breathe a word of it out loud without regret or fear that someone else will mistakenly interpret it as loving our former life more than our kids. Even though no rule says, you can't hold deep, inexplicable, self-sacrificing, love for your children, and at the same time desire to be your own person with your own space. Struggling with that will never make you a bad, selfish, or hypocritical person/parent even though it can be difficult not to feel that way at times.
It's strange going from the concept of absolutely don't get pregnant to the notion of ok, we waited, we planned (like everyone said). Now was as good of a time as any and then nothing happens. Nada. Zip, zilch. Absolutely, NOTHING. Although, that didn't stop me from thinking with every possible chance that we were in fact pregnant. Next thing you know months go by and then the months turn into a whole year. All without a sign that anything was changing, except our patience and growing concern. Just like many others, I had assumed this wouldn't happen to us.
Called to Parenthood 