Being Strong.

~ 3min read

To my fellow parentfriends:

The last two weeks have felt rough, let alone this year and it’s hard to grasp that we’re pretty much halfway through it. From the global pandemic to the social injustices that haunt black lives, the days seem constantly filled with heightened emotions and the effects are starting to take their toll. So, let’s get right to the heart of it. There have been countless individuals and groups of people whose experience during this time has been nothing less than traumatic. Some not entirely from recent events, but historical ones.

So this is me checking in on those that bear the title— strong. The ones who receive compliments, but no breaks. The ones that keep it together because they have to, not because they want to. The one whose baseline has been a whirlwind of obstacles, but they still find ways to be grateful. The ones who frequently downplay their situation to avoid feelings of pity or weakness. Those who struggle to ask for help because they are the help. Those whose default is to internalize their pain. Each day you give your energy away and use the remnants to take care of yourself last. Yet, despite all that you give, you still feel like most days you’re failing. Everything has compounded and just when you feel like you’ve met your breaking point, you find a way to manage. You’re caught between knowing what happens if you keep going like this and the fear of what happens if you don’t. I see you.

You’re exhausted and I feel every bit of that with you. Not to patronize you in an effort to appropriate your pain. Rather, kneeling in all my privilege, lamenting with you, seeking to acknowledge your hardship. It is not invisible or some phantom sentiment. I apologize on behalf of everyone that has let you down over and over again, to the point that you’ve struggled to maintain your faith in others showing up for you when it’s needed. That you’ve begun to truly believe that your only option is to weather this alone, in silence.

Being strong is cloaked in commendation. It’s revered when the role needs to be filled, but there is a reason not everyone wants to play it. It’s noble, it’s honorable, it’s all the things, but we never really talk about how dissatisfying and enduring it can be to the person. It becomes an expectation, day in and day out. A relentless, endless, cycle of strength and fatigue. If this rings true then the utilitarian plot of your entire life needs to be rewritten. Repeat after me, ‘just because I am strong does not mean that I don’t need affection’. You need affection. It’s not going to suddenly fix all your problems, but it will help restore you.

How do you show yourself affection? Try not to focus on how others fail to show you affection because we also need to independently serve ourselves affection for it to be sustainable and often, we too easily relinquish it. So, sit with that for a moment and think. How are you kind to yourself? How do you show yourself, unconditional love? If the list keeps coming up short, we need a do-over. If there are a thousand excuses, stop right there. If you hear negative self-talk, shut it down.

It’s time we make space and hold space for ourselves. Reach inside, listen to your inner child, and allow yourself to acknowledge your own needs out loud. No shame allowed. Let’s command it together. Break free and exclaim it, even if it’s just to yourself. You’re not going to fall apart if you finally admit this. You won’t suddenly lose your title or likely anything else you’ve been afraid of if you disclose your authentic feelings.

Lean on your relationships and let them be made deeper or finally realize you need to cut those ties to make room for new ones. Let someone else in who has been trying to show you that affection. Give them permission to take part in supporting you, even if just for a moment. Stop isolating yourself and phone that friend. I may not know you yet, but you’ll always have a place here. Let’s take care of each other.

Go in grace, go in peace, go in kindness.